How To Make Meetings Safe for Impostors
This post contains edited excerpts from COMPOSURE: The Art of Executive Presence, available now wherever books are sold. Order your copy today!
For people who suffer from Impostor Syndrome, it’s especially difficult to find psychological safety in difficult work environments. Rejection sensitivity comes to the forefront of impostors’ minds when presenting new ideas or even providing input. And for many impostors, there’s no setting more uncomfortable and triggering than in meetings.
Impostor Behaviors arise from an extreme over reliance on external validation, resulting in a weak and underdeveloped sense of self. In certain settings, this people-pleasing can make impostors valuable contributors and high-performers. But in other, more vulnerable settings — such as in meetings — it can lead impostors to shrink within themselves, far more afraid of receiving criticism than having their voice heard.
Why being in an “out-group” makes meetings even harder
My first job out of college was as a software engineer for a computer graphics firm. It was a plum role in an industry that was just emerging in the late 1980s — just at the time when the first spreadsheets and word processors were being developed.
As you might imagine, it was highly unusual for a young woman to become a software engineer in that era. I had received my degree from the University of California, San Diego, where I was regularly the only woman in the lecture hall. To say that I was in the “out-group” would be a vast understatement.
In my new job, I found myself in a similarly alien world, the only woman in a group of dozens of men. In many ways, I was very different from my co-workers. Most of them arrived at the office around noon and worked until midnight. As an early riser, I was at my desk every morning by 8 o’clock. Socially, I was quite an outlier, as well. The men would call it quits at the office around midnight, then proceed to battle each other on computer games into the wee hours of the morning — long after I was asleep at home.
While the day-to-day work and social dynamics were alienating, it was in meetings where I felt the most angst. I struggled to find my voice, self-conscious of being new to the company, not to mention being the youngest person — and the only woman — in the room.
I found myself wanting to contribute, but unable to, for fear that I’d say something stupid — something that would reveal the “gap” I perceived in my knowledge and experience compared with my peers. I was constantly afraid I would make it clear to everyone that I didn’t really deserve to be there.
What I know now is that I was suffering from Impostor Syndrome: my lack of confidence, fear of rejection, and persistent feelings of being a fraud were all classic symptoms. Impostor Syndrome is estimated to affect 70% of the US population at least once in their lives. For many it’s a persistent pattern with little relief. With all of that in play, it simply was not safe for me to find my sense of psychological safety in meetings.
Few of us who have been in the workforce for many years can remember (or relate to) the anxiety and fear that meetings create for some — especially those who suffer from the Impostor Syndrome. But we can certainly recognize and empathize with the value we’re missing out on when key members of our teams fail to speak up and contribute in meetings.
What are Impostor Behaviors? ➞
So what can we do — as leaders, as colleagues, and as co-participants in meetings — to ensure impostor voices are heard and create an environment that encourages all to contribute and share their ideas?
Five ways to make meetings safe for impostors
We’ve developed a set of five meeting practices that we recommend to ensure that meetings are safe and inclusive.
1. Start with an icebreaker
We begin our meetings by going around the room and asking each participant what she or he would most value as an outcome for the meeting. This simple and relevant question “breaks the ice” to get everyone to speak, setting the stage for future contribution.
2. Actively solicit contributions from those who are reluctant to speak
At the start of every meeting we recommend that meeting hosts and participants alike privately take note of those in the room who they feel may be reluctant to speak up. In the discussion, we suggest inviting them to actively contribute. You might say “I’m curious what Jane has to say about this topic,” or “I want to be sure we hear from everyone. Jane, do you have anything to add?”
3. Use the "Write Down and Contribute One Idea" technique
When we lead ideation discussions with teams, we often ask a question, then request that the attendees write down their thoughts. Rather than having the loudest voices give all their ideas first, we go one by one around the room, asking each person to contribute one of the ideas they wrote down. We continue around again until all ideas are on the table. In this way, everyone has the opportunity to make at lease one unique contribution to the discussion.
4. Close the meeting with acknowledgement
We end almost every meeting by going around the room and asking each participant to answer two questions:
1) What is the most important thing you’re taking away from this meeting?
2) Who said something today that made a difference for you?
By acknowledging those who are reluctant to speak, we reward their contribution and send a clear signal that their voices matter, making it more likely they will speak up in future meetings.
5. Privately acknowledge participation after the meeting
Seek out the quiet ones and let them know that you appreciated their contributions. This sends a signal that their ideas are heard and valued, and provides positive reinforcement for them to continue to speak up.
Without a culture of psychological safety, many women and others in an “out-groups” are left behind in organizations where “in-groups” are the only ones that truly thrive. But what we’ve found is that for many companies trying to create a more diverse, inclusive, and supportive workplace culture, meetings are a great place to start. And as we know, through research conducted by Google, this matters in business:
"Individuals on teams with higher psychological safety are less likely to leave…, they’re more likely to harness the power of diverse ideas, they bring in more revenue, and they’re rated as effective twice as often by executives.” –Google People Operations
The lesson in all of this is simple: make meetings safe for your teams, and your employees will shine. Help your employees shine, and your business will thrive.
Kate Purmal is a former CEO and Technology Executive, Board Director, Business Advisor and Executive Coach. She is also a Senior Industry Research Fellow at Georgetown University McDonough School of Business and a lecturer at University of Michigan Ross School of Business. She is the author of two books: COMPOSURE: The Art of Executive Presence and THE MOONSHOT EFFECT: Disrupting Business as Usual.
